Denial
by israelianbabe15
Summary: Ziva is in denial. Can Gibbs get her to admit her feelings? ZIBBS of course
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey guys. I'm so sorry that I haven't updated anything in so long. The sad thing is that there isn't even a rational reason for my absence. (could say university kept me busy - but we all know that I'm just a lazy idiot) So I guess I'll attribute the whole thing to writer's block. I failed my literary studies II term paper half a year ago, so I kinda lost confidence (and by kinda I mean I was an emotional wreck). I passed on second try, but that doesn't really change the fact that I still feel like a complete failure.

Anyways, I'm really sorry that I kinda abandoned my 'Insomnia' story. I WILL finish it soon, I promise!

But on to the task at hand. This is me procrastinating.

Btw: My spellcheck seems to be broken, so, if you find any mistakes, just leave them in the comments and I'll change them^^ (same goes for grammar mistakes. I feel like I'm still too stupid for that... that's not spellcheck's fault^^)

Denial.

Ziva did not know what was happening to her. She had been feeling weird lately, somewhat depressed. Getting up in the morning was getting harder and harder. There just was nothing to look forward to anymore. Her days were filled with paperwork, Dinozzo's immature babble, interviewing victims and staring at Gibbs while he was working his magic with the suspects. That used to be something for her to get excited about - Gibbs' very own way of convincing a suspect that admitting their crime would be a good idea. He was a very attractive man, one way or another, but in the interrogation room he was irresistable.

That must have been the problem - Gibbs' effect on her paired with the knowledge that she could never act on it.

Feelings like these had never had this kind of influence on her life. A crush would normally ask for a few moments and would only progress further, if she allowed it to. Early in her life, had she learned to control her feelings, as Mossad preferred their operatives to be emotionally cold and distant.

Gibbs, however, seemed to be her cryptonite. Cold and distant just would not cut it anymore - not with him. Ziva could only hope that nobody would notice. A crush on her boss would not exactly shine a good light on her and she was almost completely sure that Gibbs did not reciprocate her feelings. _You never know, when it comes to Gibbs._ - she told herself, but that thought was quickly pushed aside.

It would never happen. She had to accept that.

ZibbsZibbsZibbsZibbsZibbs

He couldn't believe he had just finished building another boat. It usually took him a lot longer to work on one of his projects, because, between work, nutrition and sleep, he barely found any time to sand the tiniest part of a boat. Now that Ziva was single again he couldn't focus on anything anymore. Working in the basement, he could let his mind wander to all the moments she had spent standing next to him throughout the day and how difficult it had been to keep himself from staring at her for too long. He started to spend more and more time building one boat after another - sleep was overrated anyway.

To his discomfort, Ziva seemed to be distancing herself from him. They had become friends over time, they had shared memories that nobody else knew about. Some nights, she had come to his basement and sat on his workbench reading a book or telling him a story about her childhood, while he was sanding his boat. He liked listening to her - No, he loved it. Her stories seemed to give him a complete picture of who she was as a person. At work, he had only gotten to know her as an officer.

Ever since she had started dating CI-Ray - a very catchy nickname, coined by the only other man who seemed to share Gibbs' dislike for the spy - his Ziver had become increasingly distant. It bothered him that he didn't know why. Of course she wouldn't come over to his house anymore, since she surely wanted to spend some time with her boyfriend, but even at work, her behavior towards him had changed. Sometimes she would even go out of her way to avoid being alone with him on the elevator.

When Ray was finally out of the picture, Jethro had hoped Ziva's behavior would change again. He had missed her.

Sadly, her behavior stayed the same. If he was right, it had even become worse. Now she wouldn't even look him in the eyes anymore. Stubborn as they are, staring each other in the eyes had sometimes been like a game between them. If they had a disagreement, he would always try his characteristic Gibbs-stare on her, but, due to her training, she would never give in. Nobody had ever dared to simply stare right back at him. It made him furious - in the best way possible.

He missed those little moments.

He missed her stories.

He missed her smile.

He missed her.

To be continued...

A/N: Aaaand just like that I have another unfinished story. Great. *sarcasm*

I have a feeling those were too many commas btw, but (again) if you find anything wrong: leave a comment and I'll change it :)

And while you're leaving a comment already - tell me how you like the story and if it is worth continuing^^

Now I should really go back to studying... bye ;D


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I should not be allowed to write fanfiction - at least not when I'm sleep deprived and kinda horny... though I might finally be able to write smut again... we'll see :D

I'm sitting in a hallway in university again and my tablet doesn't have spellcheck (but I love it anyway, because I'd be so bored without it!), so if/when you find mistakes: Leave them in the comments and I'll change them once I get to it :D

Chapter 2

Ziva's POV:

It had not been easy, not coming to his house, but somehow she had gotten used to how things were now. She was not sure why, but sitting on her couch with the TV babbling next to her had somewhat helped her relax. No. Relax was not the right word. The TV had helped her ship her feelings to the nearest island - to the nearest impossible island.

Ziva David had been watching Lost for a few weeks now. It was not the best show she had ever seen, but Tony had been adamant: 'You have to watch Lost, Ziver. It's the only one of its kind!'. The Israeli had argued that being stranded on a lost island, with a bunch of strangers she did not like, wasn't really one of the things she liked imagining, but Dinozzo had not taken no for an answer: 'You'll like at least some of the characters, Daveeed. That's how TV-shows are made! The audience is supposed to like at least one of the characters enough to keep watching'. 'So it is not like real life, where you are supposed to be friendly with everyone, even if you do not like them...', Ziva had pointed out teasingly. 'Are you saying you don't like us? What has the team ever done to deserve that?!', Ziva could not help but smile when the memory of his face in that moment hit her. He had looked like a puppy who had just been told he would have to go back to the pound. Of course he had been exaggerating - he always was - but Ziva had felt bad for him anyway and agreed to watch one episode of Lost. Of course Tony argued that the first two episodes belonged together and should be watched right after another, so she agreed to that, too. Reluctantly, she also agreed to a few more episodes after Dinozzo brought her a smoothy and told her that the first two episodes say nothing about the whole show.

Long story short, Ziva David was now close to finishing her third rewatch of the show. It had turned into her only escape from the feelings she had for her boss. Some days all she wanted to do was go to the island and hide - not from Gibbs, technically, but from the things she wanted to do with him. In the elevator, his basement, his kitchen, the bullpen with everyone watching. _Stop it, Ziva! He is your boss. Now go watch another episode of Lost before you end up in his basement! _

Gibbs' POV:

Leroy Jethro Gibbs had built another boat. This one, just like the last three, was named Ziva - Ziva number 4, to be exact. Under normal circumstances, building a boat that size would have taken him twice as long as it did, but Ziva had been spending and increasing amount of time with Dinozzo lately, talking about a bunch of smoke on an island. _Maybe someone was just making a fire on the island?! Where the hell else does smoke come from! _

It was obvious that he had never seen Lost, or heard of it - really, but what was even more obvious was the fact that he was damn jealous of the younger agent. Sometimes, when he had gotten particularly drunk in his basement, he thought he should ask them what they were talking about, so he could try and make Ziva aware of him again. That idea, however, always got thrown out the day after. She clearly didn't want to spend time with him. He had to respect that.

Nevertheless, it made him sick knowing that she might be sitting on Dinozzo's couch chatting, while she could be pressed up against Jethro's boat.

TBC

A/N:

First of all: How long does it take to build a boat?! I hate being vague on stuff like that!

Second: How obvious is it that I've been rewatching Lost?! If you have a different opinion on the show, I hope I haven't offended you, by saying it's not THAT good. The only two characters I really like are Juliet/Sawyer (as a couple, too, of course) and Hurley. Yeah, I think that's it... I have to rewatch season one for university and since I don't like Jack and Kate very much (which is probably the understatement of the year!) I'm really just looking forward to the point where I can finally catch up to season 3 and watch Elizabeth Mitchell be perfect again :D

Okay... why do I have to make Author's Notes so long?! I'm finishing this now... bye :D

As always: Reviews are greatly appreciated! If I don't get any reviews, I usually forget about a story and it dies without ever being finished, so: PLEASE review?!


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